Although this is a very much wanted baby, so far it hasn’t been the happiest or easiest of pregnancies. In the beginning I was so happy to be pregnant, but very fearful having lost three, and still missing those three. Then I had some bleeding which as you can imagine was terrifying. When we went for our 12 week scan, I was so, so relieved to see a live baby on the screen, it didn’t occur to me to worry that anything else might be wrong. Then came the phone call a few days later asking us to go in as soon as possible, as the blood test I had on the same day as the scan gave us a 1:101 chance of our baby being born with Downs. They treat anything up to 1:150 as ‘higher risk’ and even though my rational braon said there was a 99% chance of everything being fine, sitting in a room with a nurse passing you tissues and talking about your ‘termination options’ and telling you the only NHS tests have a miscarriage risk….well it is hard to see the light.
My lovely, kind husband paid for us to have a private test which posed absolutely no risk to our baby (and indeed will be available on the NHS later this year) and we had it last Saturday…and then waited and waited for the results. Gosh it was a nerve wracking time. To be honest in some ways the results didn’t matter at all, our baby would be loved and welcomed just the same. But I think it is fair to say any parent wants their baby to be healthy.
Yesterday we got the news that analysing our baby’s dna shows there to be a 0.01% chance of them being born with Downs….and also, we found out that we are having another little girl!
This morning I woke up to one of those freezlingly cold but fiercely bright February mornings, and my heart felt light. Its been a long time.
We had breakfast out together, then Carl sent me home for a rest and relax while he took Jessica into town. I got home, made tea, put the heating on and ran a bath with my new rose bubble bath. I hopped in with The Clock Strikes Twelve by Patricia Wentworth and lost myself for an hour or so until there was a knock on the door. My lovely Mum had sent us the most lovely thing to celebrate our news. Rather than cut flowers, a planter with hyacinths, polyanthus and tete-a-tete.
It matches my spirits perfectly, spring time loveliness, new growth, and joy.
It is a happy Saturday here. Jessica and Carl are in the garden building a little fire together, I am inside under a quilt listening to radio 4. I hope your Saturday is as lovely as mine.