Halloween, Summer Solstice

On Halloween morning last year, I had the wonderful news that at last, at last, a little baby brother or sister was on the way for Jessica.

This week, the week of the summer solstice, I should be awaiting her birth, if not already cradling her in my arms.

Today she was due. I would be wondering if every twinge, every niggle was the start. The clothes would have been washed and dried in the glorious sunshine, ready and waiting.

But instead, my baby girl left me and went to heaven in November. 

And so, here I am. I feel so, so alone today. 

My mother-in-law gave me a beautiful glass butterfly last week, as she knew that this day was coming and would be hard.

But apart from that, silence today. And it makes me feel like my baby didn’t matter and that I don’t count, and that is a miserable way to feel.

I know everyone is different, they feel differently, they need different things…but please, if someone you know is unlucky enough to lose a baby, please remember when they were due, and remember them, let them know you are thinking of them. 

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8 thoughts on “Halloween, Summer Solstice

  1. Hi, I’m sorry I missed this but I’ve only just got proper email/internet connectivity back.

    A lot of people don’t want to mention miscarriages for fear of upsetting the person involved. I’m sure it’s not being done on purpose but I understand it can be a lonely process and also a very personal one. I hope that this week has gone by in the best way for you and that you’ve made the week as memorable (? Possibly not the best way to describe it but I’m sure you know what I mean) as it can be. It was a lovely thought from your MIL to give you something tangible. Thinking of you xx

    1. Thank you…you are right I think, I can understand why it is difficult to raise…but at the same time I think many people simply forgot. I feel more at peace this week. Hope toddler VP is feeling better x

  2. Losing a child is heartbreaking under any circumstance. And difficult to reconcile. My good friend recently lost her adult child and she is in the throes of horrible grief and there is no reconciliation for her heart. She told me talking about it helps. I am always afraid mentioning the person would be upsetting.

    I’m sorry for your loss and your suffering. You baby girl—did you name her? If not, I’d name her because she was a person and she existed. We humans are I believe are eternal spirits that live in a body for a short time. When the body dies, we leave it but we live on. Your baby girl to my way of thinking still exists and always will. Being a Christian I believe she is safe in the arms of Jesus and with other loved ones who have gone on before her. I find comfort visualizing my mother and dad, my baby sister who died when I was little, my grand parents, aunts and uncles, all there together in Heaven and at peace, full of joy and I rejoice believing I will be reunited with them one day.

    I noticed as I read your post the date of her birth is the same date I had life saving surgery for cancer.

    Grace and peace be with you.

    1. Thank you so much for your mind words, they mean a lot to me. I have faith too, and it helps, but oh how it still hurts.

      I am so sorry for your friend, and also of you that you have needed surgery. Sending you lots of healing and loving thoughts and hope it was successful x

  3. Thinking of you during your time of tragedy. Just remember she is valuable and you are valuable. I believe in spirits and angels. She was your angel. Many blessings to you during this time.

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