Full

I was reading this lovely post when I should have been doing any other number of things, and some words stood out…my head is full.

Oh how ai identify with this, and I suspect many others of us too. My head is full of presents to buy, when they need to be wrapped and dispatched for, cards which have not yet been written, an address book unlocated, which evenings are busy, which evenings are left to do everything left to be done…

My head is full.

It is odd, I feel squeezed by the pressure this year, and yet stretched thin too, all at the same time.

I made air dry clay stars last year. I can definitely recommend doing it.minhave some air dry clay, bought for ornaments that won’t now get made this year. Instead of what I had planned, I will be making something different with Jessica…I have in mind some salt dough tea light holders.

There are parcels yet to arrive some yet to be ordered.

And yet, the tree is up. Tomorrow we will be doing a lovely Christmassy activity with Jessica. We have been to carol concerts and Jessica asks every morning if it is ‘my Christmas Day yet?’.

It just feels like so much to do and so little time to do it in. The thing I most want for Christmas this year is to just sit down quietly by the lights of the tree with a new book and a cup of tea and half an hour to enjoy them in. The scent of a freshly peeled satsuma clinging to my fingers as I turn the crisp pages. 

My neck feels a little achey and tense all the time these days. I hadn’t realised how utterly impossible it is to get anything done with a 2 year old. When I do have a clear day, I don’t, because I have her with me. While she is jolly good company, she also I strapped herself and wiggled out of the pushchair in John Lewis and ran amok…in the very expensive cosmetic section. I needed a lay down after that. On my list it was written as ‘perfume – JL’. If only it had been that simple!

I am sitting here now while Carl bathes Jessica, and I cannot for the life of me decide where to start. Tidy up the toys? See how far I got down the list today? Message a friend about tomorrow? Carry on crocheting the three soft toys which will be Christmas gifts? Start writing cards? Check on my long list of amazon orders? I think I am paralysed by overwhelm.

So I will make a cup of tea, and try and remember to breathe.

I love the whole season of Christmas, but sometimes, it builds up to such a big thing in your mind that it is hard to remember that after all, it is just one day, spent with family and friends. People who will forgive you if you don’t get done all that you hoped to. 

If you too feel you have too much to do….pause for tea, please.

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One thought on “Full

  1. Oh honey, I remember those days, a ong time ago they were. If I could go back I would do some things differently. I would savor the moments instead of pushing myself to do more; the mundane tasks were far too important to me. My children were not neglected, they were well loved, but their mother was uptight and anxious and always trying to be perfect. And what did they learn from me? Uh huh. Both of them push themselves; and savoring the moment is difficult for them b/c their focus is doing their duty and a whole lot more. We live and we learn; hopefully . I heard this saying ‘too soon old, too late smart’ and it stung me. We have a limited number of days. If not now, when will we smarten up? You are young; you have time. Figure out what is most important to you, and do that. If you are happy and at peace everything will fall into place.

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