And so, summer has passed. The first day of autumn is officially here, although the mornings have been growing chilly, and the spiders festooning the garden with their webs which are beaded with dew for a few weeks now.
And where did summer, where did the last sixteen weeks go? The days are unfurled behind me in a ribbon of nappy changes and feeds, pegging out impossibly tiny clothes on the line, and holding my sweet baby girl in my arms.
She is a delight, an utter delight. So many milestones already passed, somehow. She held her head up early, always desperate to see what is going in, what is happening. She smiled early too, such a sociable little creature. She charms old ladies in the queue in the shop, at the bus stop, everywhere we go.
As I type she is snuggled on my lap, head buried in my chest as she gently coos, slowly dropping off for a nap.
I am the same as I have ever been, and yet utterly different too. Sometimes I can barely remember who I was, what I did before. Some days I catch a glimpse in the mirror and think yes, I remember you…
There are some days I stagger through, bone tired. Other days it comes so easily. But every day is a blessing. Jessica teaches me grace and compassion. The things that you are meant to dislike don’t bother me at all. Changing nappies, waking at night…I just think how awful it would be to be incontinent and hungry and be able to help yourself. I would want to be fed and cleaned, but with kindness.
And there have been plenty of opportunities to practise this, as for the past two weeks my poor baby girl has had salmonella poisoning. We only found out yesterday, after 3 trips to the doctor and 1 to the walk in centre. We have no idea how she got it, but hopefully she will be well soon.
I am a big believer in the first few months of life with a baby being a fourth trimester if pregnancy…an inward, gentle time of learning for all three of us. Keeping things simple and gentle. But now we are entering a new season, a more outward one. It is as though Jessica has settled into herself, and has learnt how to be, how to feed, how to sleep, and now she is becoming aware of and exploring the world around her. I can’t wait to explore together. One of her favourite things so far is to lay on a blanket in the garden under the washing line, and watch the washing blow in the breeze above her.
And so we enter a new season of her life together, just as the season around us turns, and autumn whispers in. I will be posting more often here, I have missed it very much. Part of me wishes I had posted more these past weeks, and captured these early days. But I was too busy living them, days vanished in minutes…and here we are. Jessica is drowsing as she feeds. Later there will be a walk in the fresh air, and hopefully some kitchen time to come. This evening there will be candles and a long hot bath, a snugly cardigan and maybe a few pages of the new Poirot novel. Happy, happy days!