One day, hopefully soon, when I have a little bit of distance from it all, I will share with you some of the things that I have had going on health-wise and work-wise recently. But for now I will just say that things are not as easy as they could be, and I have been struggling a bit. Our little baby is fine, which is the most important thing. One thing I will mention now is that I have finally found out why I have been so, so tired – I thought it was ‘just’ pregnancy, but it turns out I am anaemic. I am hoping that with some rest and a few days on my iron/folic acid combination prescription, I will start to feel a bit more myself again.
But back to today. Tuesday morning, and a curious Tuesday. Outside it looked and felt like it was raining, only it wasn’t. The paths were dark and damp, the sky was overcast, and people had that hurrying-scurrying gait to their walk, as though trying to dodge raindrops that weren’t actually there.
My last day off work before going back tomorrow, so I decided to take myself out for an airing. I walked into town, and sat and drank a pot of tea while reading the newspaper. Bliss…Then I wandered through the market where I didn’t find the rhubarb I wanted, but I did find the perfect dusky-purple yarn I wanted to crochet a pair of slippers as a Mothers Day gift. Into the library to change my books, and while I was there, I bumped into a few friends I used to work with.
From there, home, where I have made a cup of tea, opened the bedroom window, put on Radio 4, changed into my nightie and got into bed. I plan to drink my tea and read a book (Lost Lake by Sarah Addison Allen, one of my favourite authors) before having a nap. I might go out this afternoon for another walk, I might take a bath. It is so lovely just to have a little bit of space and time to rest. Taking yourself off to bed is a Brocante Home puttery treat that I don’t do very often, but when I do, it feels like the height of luxury.
While I am laying here, my little girl is kicking away in my tummy. She is usually most busy while I am resting – when I am walking around, I think the motion rocks her off to sleep. When I woke up this morning, she was kicking. It makes me smile, there is no other feeling quite like it. I realised that I could have as little as ten weeks or as many as fourteen weeks left of feeling her kick like this, before she is born. And although I can’t wait to hold her in my arms at last, and meet this little girl, I will really miss the gentle kicks.
I don’t want to make my blog all about my pregnancy, but it is such a special time. I always said I didn’t want to be one of those women who complain a lot during pregnancy, as I know we tried for long enough for a baby, and I know too many people who would dearly love the chance to be pregnant, but haven’t yet been blessed. So yes, I am exhausted a lot of the time (although hopefully that will pass soon!) and my back is so painful at times it makes me cry, and I can’t remember the last time I slept through the night…but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I catch sight of my burgeoning belly reflected in a window or a mirror, or feel those little kicks, and realise that I am so, so lucky.
There won’t be many more Tuesdays left like this. A lot of them will be spent at work, and then when I am on maternity leave, I will be packing up our home bit by bit ready to move, and getting ready for the baby. And then, then she will be here, and although I can’t imagine quite what it will be like, I know that life won’t be the same again, in the best possible way!